'Twas the Week Before Thanksgiving

'Twas the week before Thanksgiving,
and all I was thinking,
Is how will I get through this
without heavy drinking.

My parents are packing
and loading the car.
Ready to drive down
from Jersey afar.

My in-laws are flying
along with Cousin Harry,
And all of the presents
that they can carry.

Then they will arrive
with stuff in their hands
and they'll throw it all down
wherever it lands.

While I am cooking and cleaning
and hitting the booze,
They'll traipse all over my house
and won't take off their shoes.

My brother-in-law and sister
are the smartest of all.
They don't come to celebrate,
they just have to call.

We'll sit down to dinner,
and offer our thanks.
Then my mother will point out
all of my mistakes.

The turkey is salty,
the stuffing too mushy,
the beans overcooked,
and pie is too runny.

Then after the meal,
we will clear off the table.
Mom always helps but mother-in-law,
never seems able.

My husband will watch football
and talk with his dad,
while pretending my mother-in-law
is not really so bad.

My parents will argue.
They always do.
My dad's always wrong (or so says mom)
but that is nothing new.

Then we'll gather around
and all play a game.
The children will be so happy
that everyone came.

In the blink of an eye,
they'll be on their way,
not to be seen
until the next holiday.